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'Bring Back Debtors' Prisons'
As consternation grows over rising unemployment, bankruptcies and foreclosures fueled by the ongoing Depression, an even bigger fear is emerging: Who's paying the bills?
"We're seeing lots more homeless people — as well as unemployed folks — wandering the streets," said a financial expert who declined to be identified.
"Obviously, some major financial institution is stacking up past due bills for many of these folks, and that needs to be addressed."
"The time has come for a return to 'debtors' prisons,'" he stated. "The way I see it, we should establish mini 'city-camps' around the country, throw all the hopeless deadbeats into them where they can work off their debts at minimum wage until they're paid in full. We'd build such a huge labor pool of talent and expertise that major companies would flock to us in droves looking for cheaper labor!
"Call it a 'mini-purgatory', he added, "it's better than living in bill-collection Hell!"

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Immigration On The Rise Worldwide
America isn't the only country dealing with an influx of immigrants, both legal and illegal. South America, Europe and Asia are all reporting upswings in immigration. The problem is, many of these immigrants are unemployed Americans fleeing the United States, looking for work with companies outsourced to by American firms!

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First Extraterrestrial Baby Born in the U.S.
It's a girl!
A 12-lb, 2-oz. cat-eyed, green-tinged space alien baby was delivered at a secret military hospital on the East Coast, sources say, after an alien space ship requested an emergency landing and assistance.
Baby "Alienna" becomes the first space alien infant born on American soil.
Two other extraterrestrial infants were previously born abroad, a boy in Asia (1979), and one of undetermined sex in Antarctica (2001.)
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Beer Can Photographed on Moon
CAPE CANAVERAL — Stunned NASA scientists are poring over a latest series of photos showing what appear to be an empty beer can on the Moon!

The incredible images were reportedly transmitted by the new Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter, armed with state of the art "ultra" resolution cameras and "anomaly-sensing" filters. While experts expected a treasure trove of info, nobody in their wildest dreams anticipated this, sources say.

"We saw what looked like a beer can as we focused in on the lunar surface," said one unidentified scientist. "As it became more recognizeable during the high-res transmission we immediately cut extraneous feeds and wrapped every conceivable 'Top Secret' restriction we could around this (photo). We're checking servers to see who the h--- posted it on the Internet."

All Apollo astronauts have been ruled out as the "beer can litterbugs" during their missions, though a scuffle allegedly occurred between two on-site technicians debating as to the merits of their favorite beers.

"This beer can could have come from anywhere, said one insider. "It could have been jettisoned as space garbage during an earlier mission. For all we know some private firm may have launched their own moon mission without our knowledge — landed there — and partied."

Other theories hold that souvenir-hunting extraterrestrials accidently dropped the can after a foray on Earth. "Obviously, the beer can was opened — and emptied," said one scientist. "Aliens are not known for carelessness — this alien being had to've been drunk! And we can't find the flag left behind by the astronauts either.

Scientists view this latest development with grim consternation. "If aliens are indeed imbibing, the resultant fallout could be similar to what happened back in the wild west when Indians guzzled firewater obtained from white traders," said one insider. "This could become catastrophic."

"The bottom line," said one insider, "is that we'd better have more to show for the millions spent sending this probe to the Moon than a beer can photo — we can take plenty of those right here on Earth!"
WORLD EXCLUSIVE PHOTO of what appears to be a beer can on the Moon was purportedly taken by the Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter, NASA's latest state of the art lunar probe. The brand name has been distorted.
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World DIDN'T End Friday
A Rollye James Show listener recently called in a warning received from his personal psychic stating that Friday, July 17, would see major earthquakes, tornadoes and other world-ending cataclysms worldwide.
IUDEXonline has since checked outside and has confirmed the world did NOT end as predicted. To those hoping for the worst, IUDEXonline apologizes for any inconvenience. Rollye's national radio show can be heard via the Internet and satellite 10 PM-1 AM EDT daily, with replays around the clock.

Inventor Develops 'Edible Shoes'
There's no need to stack up those worn, out-of-style shoes any longer, says an inventor. When you are through with your clodhoppers, "EAT them."
The Brussels, Belgium restaurant cook-turned-cobbler claims to have found a way to preserve various types of hides used in shoes so that they're not only edible — but tasty too. "After all," he says, "cowhide and steak come from the same animal!"

Cars That Run On Body Parts?
Reports circulating the web say the U.S. Military is working with a Maryland firm to develop robots that run on organic fuels -- including dead bodies!
Given that today's jet airliners grew out of the military's B-47 and B-52 programs, is it not safe to assume that corpse-fueled cars are coming next?
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