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National State Of Emergency Must be Declared -- Because Half the Country's Obese!  Iudex Online has called for a "national state of emergency" after scientists revealed obese folks have 8% less brain tissue than normal people. The problem? A majority of Americans suffer from obesity! Iudex now believes we have the "smoking gun" for America's 50-year decline. Our nation has become a country of dumbasses -- and we never knew why. Now we do. Fat folks note the report comes on the heels of President Obama's ambitious health care plan. "All this junk food that started up in the 50's, you wait and see -- they're gonna tax it to death, just like cigarettes," one junk food addict warned. "This whole report thing may actually be a contrived excuse." Iudex is concerned with fallout the recent study will generate. What were these ding-dongs thinking? Everyone will be calling weight-challenged people "plump chumps!" Some believe a compulsary "national fitness program" may be established, while others fear a government-imposed "calorie tax." One way or another, America's about to enter a rats' nest of debates and finger-pointing -- and this time the fat lady may NEVER sing! |
Ban Smoking in the Military?
Anti-cigarette groups are calling for a ban on smoking in the U.S. Military, and some say they should ban cigarettes from every army!
Following on the heels of a Pentagon study which found cigarette smoking to be detrimental for soldiers, militant anti-smoking groups want cigarettes, cigars and pipes banned from tents, foxholes and Humvees.
"We're now hearing that smoking undercuts military preparedness, and we all know how harmful smoking is anyway," said an expert.
"Foxholes can get pretty cramped at times — what if a non-smoker is "hunkered down" next to a chainsmoker? He or she is not going to have much recourse for complaint during the heat of battle, not to mention breathing in second-hand smoke during a firefight," he said. "Lest we forget, enemy soldiers are people too. Smoke blown into their faces is just as harmful. That's what bullets were made for!"
The spokesman reminded us that POWs have rights under past Geneva Conventions. "Nowadays a prisoner could claim 'torture" if he or she's being interrogated by a human chimney — especially a cigar smoker — yecchh," he added. "And who would pay in the event of any suit brought on by a POW or detained terrorist? The taxpayer!
"Bear in mind, collectors will always pick up the pieces after a major battle, whether it's bullets, battle gear or even bones . . . but NOBODY will pick up the butts."
So far as IUDEXonline is concerned, WW2 would have been a lost cause without General Douglas MacArthur's pipe, and half of us would still be whistling "Dixie" without General Ulysses S. Grant's cigars.
Following on the heels of a Pentagon study which found cigarette smoking to be detrimental for soldiers, militant anti-smoking groups want cigarettes, cigars and pipes banned from tents, foxholes and Humvees.
"We're now hearing that smoking undercuts military preparedness, and we all know how harmful smoking is anyway," said an expert.
"Foxholes can get pretty cramped at times — what if a non-smoker is "hunkered down" next to a chainsmoker? He or she is not going to have much recourse for complaint during the heat of battle, not to mention breathing in second-hand smoke during a firefight," he said. "Lest we forget, enemy soldiers are people too. Smoke blown into their faces is just as harmful. That's what bullets were made for!"
The spokesman reminded us that POWs have rights under past Geneva Conventions. "Nowadays a prisoner could claim 'torture" if he or she's being interrogated by a human chimney — especially a cigar smoker — yecchh," he added. "And who would pay in the event of any suit brought on by a POW or detained terrorist? The taxpayer!
"Bear in mind, collectors will always pick up the pieces after a major battle, whether it's bullets, battle gear or even bones . . . but NOBODY will pick up the butts."
So far as IUDEXonline is concerned, WW2 would have been a lost cause without General Douglas MacArthur's pipe, and half of us would still be whistling "Dixie" without General Ulysses S. Grant's cigars.
| Sad Truth About Our Economy -- Through Candy Bars! President Nixon set our course for disaster when, in 1971, he detached the dollar from the gold standard. To truly measure our economic deterioration, the proper guage is not the dollar -- but a candy bar! In 1972 candy bars sold for 5 cents each, and did so for over 30 years! My "beginner's" $2-per-hour wage earned me forty candy bars an hour. Today's kids earning $8 an hour are lucky if they can buy 8 of these goodies. In the late 1930s through the 1970s, comic books sold for 10-12 cents each, at a consistent price which held 40 years! Nowadays these things are going for $3-$5 each! Whereas in 1972 I could buy 16 of these gems, today's kids working at comparable wages can afford only two. Do the math and apply this to today's necessities, such as homes, cars and essential services. Then imagine what the next 30 years will bring. Economic recovery? The reality here is nuttier than the stories we've posted. — Dick Kulpa, Publisher, Iudex Online |
