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Ban Smoking in the Military?

Anti-cigarette groups are calling for a ban on smoking in the U.S. Military, and some say they should ban cigarettes from every army!

Following on the heels of a Pentagon study which found cigarette smoking to be detrimental for soldiers, militant anti-smoking groups want cigarettes, cigars and pipes banned from tents, foxholes and Humvees.

"We're now hearing that smoking undercuts military preparedness, and we all know how harmful smoking is anyway," said an expert.

"Foxholes can get pretty cramped at times — what if a non-smoker is "hunkered down" next to a chainsmoker? He or she is not going to have much recourse for complaint during the heat of battle, not to mention breathing in second-hand smoke during a firefight," he said. "Lest we forget, enemy soldiers are people too. Smoke blown into their faces is just as harmful. That's what bullets were made for."

The spokesman reminded us that POWs have rights under past Geneva Conventions. "Nowadays a prisoner could claim 'torture" if he or she's being interrogated by a human chimney — especially a cigar smoker — yecchh," he added. "And who would pay in the event of any suit brought on by a POW or detained terrorist? The taxpayer!

"Bear in mind, collectors will always pick up the pieces after a major battle, whether it's bullets, battle gear or even bones . . . but NOBODY will pick up the butts."

So far as IUDEXonline is concerned, WW2 would have been a lost cause without General Douglas MacArthur's pipe, and half of us would still be whistling "Dixie" without General Ulysses S. Grant's cigars.

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Even Kids Are Yearning For 'The Good Old Days' For thirty-some years candy bars sold at a standard five cents each — but after President Nixon took the dollar off the gold standard in the early 70s, candy bars soared in price — incrementally — over the next 30 years. In 1972 my then-$4 per hour wage earned me 80 candy bars an hour. Today's kids earning $8 an hour are lucky if they can buy 8 of these goodies. In the late 1930s through the 1970s, comic books sold for 10-12 cents each. Nowadays these things are going for $3-$5 each! Whereas in 1972 I could buy 32 of these gems at my then-wage, today's kids working at comparable wages can only afford two. Do the math, then apply this to today's necessities, such as homes, cars and essential services. Economic recovery? The reality here is nuttier than the stories we've posted. — Dick Kulpa, Publisher, Iudex OInline

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IUDEXonline website designed, written and illustrated by Dick Kulpa, acknowledged designer of Bat Boy during his 15-year stint at Weekly World News, Dick is no longer associated with that operation. Prior to his WWN tenure, Kulpa also raised lots of cain as a political cartoonist, so anything can happen with this satire practitioner. Stay tuned to IUDEXonline!
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