| | | | | | | | | | | | | |
|  |
www.iudexonline.com | | | | | | | DON'T BURY MICHAEL — STUFF HIM!
The ink was barely dry on Michael Jackson's death certificate when vultures descended, seeking ways to capitalize on the pop hero's demise.
Even the Jackson family patriarch got into the act, allegedly hawking a new record label during a recent interview.
We sympathize with those whose incomes depended on the Jackson empire, and wonder what kind of impact Michael's death will have on them — and a diminishing economy.
As of post time, nobody seems sure as to the "where and when" of Michael's final resting place, but HOLD EVERYTHING — why throw away gold?
Take a page out of Michael Jackson's playbook: Preserve his body, stuff it with animatronics, and keep the concert tours going — for years to come!
In an age of art exhibitions built around preserved corpses, and science's bionic technologies, it should be simple to re-animate Michael and program an integrated "bionic" nerve center to moonwalk and lipsync with music flowing from an internal Mp3 player. Facial preservation should be a cinch, since much of it's plastic anyway.
Auditoriums would fill to capacity anywhere the body appeared, and economies would fluorish as municipalities vied for this mother of all shows!
Insensitive?
The King of Pop himself stunned us all when he angled to buy the Elephant Man's body, and would undoubtedly be pleased over his newfound robo-immortality.
These are the times of financial absolutism, and money is King. "Sensitivity" is dead -- let's go for it!
* * *
Cartoon Foresaw MJ's 'Pale' Appearance!
An editorial cartoon published in the mid-1980s may have inspired Michael Jackson's change in appearance!
Drawn by Dick Kulpa as a commentary about high ticket prices, no "gray tones" were used on Jackson, presenting an image eerily similar to Jackson's most recent look. Scholars who've uncovered this drawing are wondering "Did Michael see this cartoon and like what he saw?" We may never know. | | |
| Home I Last Week I Commentary I Contact Us |
| | | | | | | | | | | | |
|  |
| Bizarre Attempt to Clone Michael Jackson? | | |
| An expert warns that attempts may be made to clone a "new" Michael Jackson — and that we'd better be prepared.
"This man (Michael) was way too talented and way too popular to be consigned to posterity," said an unidentified scientist. "A year from now, I wouldn't be a bit surprised to read that somebody cloned him." | | But would it be a good idea? "Surprisingly, yes," said the expert. "Just imagine a new Michael Jackson, minus the weight of his past tragic life — no faults, just superb dancing and music.
"They'd better keep every strand of Michael's DNA under guard," he warned. "This is too big for some enterprising 'Dr. Frankenstein wannabe' to pass up!" | | |
| 'Michael Greeted By Elvis
— In Heaven,' . . . Says Psychic | | | | |
|  | | | | | | | |
| | | LANTANA, FL — A wide-eyed and incredulous Michael Jackson no sooner climbed the stairway to Heaven when he was met at the "Pearly Gates" by a smiling Elvis Presley, says a top Internet psychic known to millions of webheads as "Chele."
"It was Thursday, around 5:30 PM, when I started seeing these images in my head," the young psychic tells IUDEXonline.
"I saw Michael Jackson . . . his face close up. He looked pale, nervous. Lots of clouds around. He was wearing one of his band-type costumes, walking up a stairway. Ghostly...plain WEIRD, she said. At first, I thought it was some MTV video flashing before me.
"Next, Michael's at a shiny, golden gate, which opens as fast as I see it. Then there's this smiling, really handsome-looking guy in a pure white, star-studded jumpsuit standing just inside, with his arms outstretched. At first I thought, 'is this God? I don't see any white beard' and then it dawned on me — that's Elvis Presley!
"So then these two "Kings" go eye-to-eye with each other, shaking hands and embracing, like long lost friends who've suddenly come back together. It seemed like a really happy occasion," she said. "That's when the music began.
"Michael Jackson started dancing when Elvis sang "Blue Suede Shoes." Then Michael cuts loose with his "Beat it" song. It was really neat seeing these two carrying on, 'moonwalking,' moving their hips and all," she said.
"Michael started singing 'Thriller," and all Hell broke loose," she added, correcting herself to say 'Heaven.'
"People started emerging from the clouds, dancing, just like in the "Thriller" video! I thought I recognized Tiny Tim in the crowd — and Frank Sinatra," she added. "I could even hear Vincent Price doing his disembodied narration.
"Michael was, like, really excited, screaming "Hi Kurt, Hi John, Hi James, Hi Buddy, Hi Jim," Chele said. "One long-haired guy came up to Michael, and I couldn't tell if it was John Lennon or Jesus Himself!
"But when Michael said "Hi Farrah,' I got this really weird feeling, and the 'video' stopped. I turned on the TV and saw that Michael Jackson had just passed away — for real!"
More Headlines:
Photo Of UFO
Space Alien Baby Poop Found!
Americans Turning to Witch Doctors!
Beer Can Found On Moon! | | | |
| IUDEX0nline artist Dick Kulpa's conception of the meeting in Heaven between Michael Jackson and Elvis Presley. | | | | | |
|  | | | | | |
|  | | | | | |
| Hear More About IUDEXonline on... | | | | |
|  | | | | | |
| | Stories published for entertainment purposes only • ©2010 IUDEXONLINE | | | | |