WACKY POLITICIANS Section
Iudexonline.com — IUDEX (Pronounced "YOU-DEX") Latin for "Judge"
Can You Say 'PRESIDENT Weiner?'
Click on Weiner's face to see "Weiner in the Bun."
Besieged Congressman Anthony Weiner can turn things around by switching tracks and launching a "vigorous positive alternative" he can focus on, say experts, and rumor has it Weiner's plotting a massive turnaround/comeback by considering a run for the White House!
"Weiner's built up a long-standing rep as a highly talented and effective "hot dog" Congressman, says an unidentified insider, "and a near-bankrupt America will be far more interested in what's inside their wallets than what's between his legs."
Given the sexual chicanery of past Presidents, some say Weiner's already earned a "badge of courage" of sorts. "Nixon had 'Watergate,' Wiener has 'Weinergate.' (Bill) Clinton philandered with a woman, and Weiner outperformed him by having several," another pundit said. "Of course, neither had sex with those women. And like many of his predecessors, he's told a few fibs. This makes Weiner VERY qualified to be President."
"Americans have short memories, and what Weiner may want to do is change his last name, given the potential long-term connection to his transgressions'" he added. "Something like 'Craig' may do." (Editor's note: Here he's referring to Senator Larry 'wide stance' Craig.)
All things considered, IUDEXonline looked at ten potential slogans Weiner might use in a Presidential bid (Note: We tried to be as tasteful as possible):
1 "A Weiner in every Bun!" (Variant of Herbert Hoover's 1928 slogan)
2 "I'm Just Wild About Weiner" (Variant of Harry Truman's 1948 slogan)
3 "Let's Get Another D---" (Modification of Alf Landon's 1936 card deck slogan)
4 "Let Weiner Enough Alone" (Variant of William McKinley's 1900 slogan)
5 "Walk Softly and Carry a Big D---!" (Rhymes with "stick", utilizing Theodore Roosevelt's favorite saying)
6 "In Your Guts, You Know He's Got Nuts" (Variation of 1964 Anti-Goldwater slogan)
7 "Weiner's the One" (Borrowing from Richard Nixon)
8 "Penis and Prosperity" (Play on Dwight Eisenhower's 1956 "Peace & Prosperity" slogan)
9 "P-ss it on 'em Weiner" ( Play on Harry Truman's "Pour it on 'em" 1948 slogan)
10 Last (but by no means least,) Weiner could launch both a slogan and campaign song inspired by an Alice Cooper mega-hit, and call it: "I Wanna Be Erected..."
— Dick Kulpa, Publisher
This stuff has happened before...
In fairness to Congressman Weiner, we're running this 1998 Dick Kulpa "Hippo-Critters" political satire animation which originally appeared during the Clinton-Lewinsky scandal
We wonder what kind of advice Hillary is giving Congressman Anthony Weiner's wife, Huma Abedin, given the former First Lady's prominent experience in such matters. This cartoon satire animation originally appeared on the Dick Kulpa-supervised Weekly World News website back during the dial-up days in 1998. Yes, it's the same 'Dick Kulpa' now running IUDEXonline.com!
Is Al Qaida Plot Turning John Boehner into a Crybaby?
WASHINGTON, D.C. — They vowed to turn American cheers into tears, and it looks like Al Qaida is succeeding, say sources, who claim to have uncovered a bizarre terrorist plot designed to turn U.S. officials into crybabies. Oddly enough, it appears U.S. Speaker of the House John "Boo-Hoo" Boehner is their prime target.
Speaker Boehner allegedly broke down twice as he spoke during a recent commencement exercise in the nation's capital, according to major news organizations. If true, this caps a series of crying jags besetting the prominent U.S. official, stemming from victory speech weeping to a breakdown on the TV show "60 Minutes." Other tear-generating incidents have also occurred in his recent past, according to press reports.
But there may be cause for all this: The unnamed sources allege that a mystery parcel — filled with onions — was found "in close proximity" to Boehner's podium. Further investigation revealed DVDs featuring Patrick Swayze's 'Ghost' movie mass-mailed to Boehner's home and office — with one found in the Speaker's still-warm DVD player, sources claim.
"There's no other plausible explanation for this," says one insider, who declined to be identified. "We don't believe (Boehner) has hemorrhoids," sometimes known to cause pain in folks.
A psychic claims Boehner's propensity for crying stems from an alleged rejection by girl playmates over his proposed portrayal of "Ken", the popular Barbie's dollpal, at a Barbie dress-up party he supposedly tried to attend when he was 12. The psychic says he was deemed "too wimpy." (Editor's note: Iudexonline can find no proof of such an occurrence.)
In another alleged incident, several key congressmen supposedly chastised Boehner over a beloved pet poodle, comparing their pit bulls, German Shepherds and Dobermans to what they considered to be a rather sissy-like pet. "Don't you pick on my Poopsie like that," Boehner's alleged to have wailed, as tears started flowing...and flowing...and flowing. Feeling sorry for their colleague, the offending representatives then backed Boehner for Speaker of the House.
Iudexonline has not found any evidence of any poodle in Boehner's possession named "Poopsie," and attempts to reach key people went unanswered. "Nancy (Pelosi) is too busy snickering to comment," admitted one insider. Pelosi is former Speaker of the House, replaced after the GOP took over last election.
"Speaker (John) Boehner is part of the line of succession to the U.S. Presidency," warns an outsider. "Whatever is ailing him, be it Al Qaida plots, onions, hemorrhoids or defacto emotional issues, he needs to "man up" and get this resolved before America starts to look like it's run by a bunch of sissies. Perhaps an on-off spigot attached to each eye will do it.
"Boehner's sniveling is getting old, for crying out loud!"
IUDEXonline news/satire website designed, written and illustrated by Dick Kulpa, who raised lots of cain as both a political cartoonist and three-time elected official. Anything canhappen with this satire practitioner. Stay tuned to IUDEXonline!
Iudexonline and all stories and photos ©2010 Dick Kulpa. All Rights Reserved
STATEMENT: There is no "political agenda" at iudexonline. We are neither pro nor anti Obama, Bush, Democrat or Republican. We stand for logic and sanity, two commodities in seemingly short supply these days.
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