| IUDEXonline polled some of the world's greatest psychics for these incredible predictions for the coming year. (Note: only the most positive predictions are included here.) •Jimmy Hoffa will finally be found — alive — on a remote desert island in the South Pacific. •A summer blockbuster movie will set box office records. Why? All the actors and actresses will be dead — but digitally-restored and computer animated. Eyebrows will be raised when it's discovered one still-living star was inadvertantly included in the cast. •Gold will be discovered in an American national park, resulting in a one-time cash rebate of $5,000 for every man, woman and child in the country. •The U.S. Government is put on the spot when either Afghanistan or Iraq applies for U.S. statehood. Psychics were not clear as to which country would do this. •Newspapers will get a new lease on life when a superb comic strip — for hard copy publication only — emerges. Readers will re-subscribe by the millions. •One other reason for the above may be this: the Internet will be brought down for over a month when a cyber war erupts between two prominent Asian nations, unleashing a nearly incurable computer virus. •A "wonder drug" will re-emerge as a miracle cure for an upcoming but as-of-yet nonexistent killer virus. The drug? Nicotine. •The world will be spinning when it's revealed by President Obama that we've established diplomatic relations — and exchanged ambassadors — with another planet, one rich in oil reserves. Native Americans will unite and emerge as a separate nation when they combine gambling revenues and purchase a huge swath of federal land from the cash strapped U.S. in a "Louisiana Purchase in reverse." •Osama Bin Laden will rock the world when he reveals via videotape that he's "found Jesus" and has converted to Christianity. |
www.iudexonline.com
China to Repo U.S.S. Enterprise
Washington, D.C. — After plunking down billions of yuan for U.S. bonds and equities, jittery Chinese fearing American default are clamoring to repossess some of America's greatest assets, including the U.S.S. Enterprise!
White House insiders now admit that various "collateral" were included as enticements to get Red China to buy up our tremendous debt. Only now are some of these items being revealed, ranging from an antique Edsel, huge parcels of Florida land — and even the beloved U.S.S. Enterprise aircraft carrier.
IUDEXonline was made aware of the top secret collateral transactions when a particularly smug Chinaman mailed us this photo (shown left) of the Enterprise, claiming he was to become its Captain once the ship is "repoed."
"Our People's Liberation Navy plans to make the carrier its fleet centerpiece, and rename it as the "CV Mao Tse Tung," according to the Chinese email.
U.S. negotiators reportedly declined to collateralize China-requested items such as the Statue of Liberty, our space shuttle fleet and the Brooklyn Bridge. However one unidentified insider, who hesitantly confirmed the photo, fears some of the Chinese noteholders may believe they're actually repossessing a starship.
"One guy says he can't wait to be 'beamed up,' whatever that means," he said. "Still, there's something wrong with this picture. Our bonds are solid!"
MORE STORIES
Florida Muck Monster Photo!
White House insiders now admit that various "collateral" were included as enticements to get Red China to buy up our tremendous debt. Only now are some of these items being revealed, ranging from an antique Edsel, huge parcels of Florida land — and even the beloved U.S.S. Enterprise aircraft carrier.
IUDEXonline was made aware of the top secret collateral transactions when a particularly smug Chinaman mailed us this photo (shown left) of the Enterprise, claiming he was to become its Captain once the ship is "repoed."
"Our People's Liberation Navy plans to make the carrier its fleet centerpiece, and rename it as the "CV Mao Tse Tung," according to the Chinese email.
U.S. negotiators reportedly declined to collateralize China-requested items such as the Statue of Liberty, our space shuttle fleet and the Brooklyn Bridge. However one unidentified insider, who hesitantly confirmed the photo, fears some of the Chinese noteholders may believe they're actually repossessing a starship.
"One guy says he can't wait to be 'beamed up,' whatever that means," he said. "Still, there's something wrong with this picture. Our bonds are solid!"
MORE STORIES
Florida Muck Monster Photo!
