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'GPS Widow' buries unit she 'married' last June

BOYNTON BEACH, FL — A distraught mother of three held a funeral — for her defunct GPS!
The single mom purchased the GPS unit in June of 2008, and became so dependent on the device — both functionally and emotionally, that she actually "married" it six months later.
"My GPS was more than just a GPS," she explained, wiping away tears.
"He — It — had a male voice — Jason was his name — and he kept me company everywhere I went. I mean, I really LOVED Jason.
"Here was a guy who truly never had to ask for directions — he almost always knew the right way to go."
The woman admitted that Jason accidentally sent her the wrong way on a one-way street once, and tended to become confused in newly-built areas.
Tragedy struck one evening when the unit failed to respond to its power-on switch. "I was devastated, said the mom, who declined to be identified for this story.
After a week of futile resuscitation attempts, she purchased a small wooden jewelry box at a garage sale, tenderly placed "Jason" inside, and slowly closed the lid. She then proceeded to "bury" the device — not in the ground, due to environmental considerations — but in her development's community dumpster. Her two youngest children attended her small memorial service.
She has no plans on buying a replacement GPS unit.
"Jason is gone physically, but he's still guiding me . . . from up there," she said, pointing toward the sky.

Editor's Note: There is an unsubtantiated rumor that the GPS unit was fished out of the dumpster by a person(s) unknown , and restored to life with a new battery. WE won't tell if you won't!)
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U.S. Military Using Time Machine in Iraq?
WASHINGTON — In what may be one of the most incredible revelations since the dawn of time, government sources are privately confirming rumors of an actual working "time machine!"

This top secret device is said to be not only operational, but in working use by the U.S. military in Iraq.
The machine, or actually, a series of machines and computers networked together, reportedly span 12 square miles on a top secret U.S. military base, and is said to be able to send time travelers, i.e. "Portalnauts" up to 60 seconds back in time.

The President's office has categorically denied the reports, and no White House official would respond to reporters' questions. However, bluepriints of an unnamed device circulated on the Internet last week, and astonished scientists who viewed the schematics recognized what they termed as time travel elements within the plan.

"A time machine would enable us to reverse things, like a bomb blast", said one expert, who declined to be identified.

Most scientists dispute the existence of any such machine due to the immense quantities of both dollars and fuel supplies required to operate such a world-changing device. But recent reports of fuel imports actually flowing into Iraq — a country with its own immense oil reserves — are generating more controversy — and possibly more verification — as to its existence.

As one insider pointed out, "it's not what's happened — but what HASN'T happened, that should intrigue you."

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IUDEXONLINE NEWSBRIEFS

Scientists Download Memory From Corpse
Russian scientists claim to have extracted a dead man's memory!
Sources reveal that "men in gray surgeon gowns" converged upon Yuri Brevlev's body minutes after he died in a Mochba (Moscow) hospital, hooking his cerebellum to a machine resembling a desktop computer. The apparent "download" lasted less than three minutes, apparently due to the dying brain shutting completely down. However, it was said that text files — and images — were extracted.

Lincoln's Body 'turned' in Casket?
Researchers scanned Lincoln's tomb with an ultrasound device and now claim the body is laying on its side!
It's common knowledge that Lincoln was buried, face up, after his April 14, 1865 assassination, and we're told it's virtually impossible to access the body. Additionally, no evidence exists of any tampering. IUDEX is forced to conclude that 1) either they are out of their minds, or 2) there may be some credibility to the notion that Lincoln is "spinning in his grave" over the current state of the country.

Unruly Kids? Call the 'Spanking Police'
Americans can no longer be entrusted to apply corporal punishment to their children, say some sociologists.
Due to rising insurance costs, alarm from cultural eliteists and growing numbers of "uncontrollable kids," states may create a special police agency parents can call when their children need "special guidance."
"Nowadays, every move you make requires a professional," said one expert. "Hitting a child is technically 'assault & battery,' there's no two ways about it."


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