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www.iudexonline.com
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Has the Internet Exposed America as a Farce?
Now that any human being with a PC can view the most intimate details of Americans' lives, what do foreigners think of us now?
"There are an awful lot of mediocre Americans," declares an admittedly surprised Rosa R. of Ecuador, who got an unbridled glimpse into America through her personal computer.
"For years my mind's image of the U.S. came through newspapers, movies and TV shows. But now I realize that we were seeing a controlled view of the United States, through actors and actresses pretending to be heroic, professionally edited news stories and selected photos," she added.
"When you read comments on your news sites it seems nobody in your country can spell. And these videos you post, my God, you look like nincompoops! I see no superpower here."
Experts admit that the entire world has access to Americans and their personal stats like never before.
"By allowing anyone from any country to view private details of average U.S. citizens, we might as well strip ourselves naked and parade our pot bellies and cellulite down Times Square on satellite TV," said one wag.
"The old image of the invincible American has gone down the proverbial tubes. The world is now seeing us as we truly are."
A Vietnamese blogger agreed."The Internet has cut you Americans down to size."
* * *
Welcome to SCAMerica!
Experts warn that mortgage fraud is up by 45% and scammers are having field days "all over the place" as the recession worsens.
The Internet especially is providing fertile ground for sneakiness. "Be wary any time you're asked to input your cell phone number on an Internet site," advises one expert. "You could be signing up for some obscure — and costly — service."
Others warn that before committing to any "trial service" through a website, verify that you can "easily" cancel it, and we place emphasis on the word "easily."
"It used to be that you could do business with a handshake. Now it requires three contracts and a platoon of lawyers," said one frustrated businessman.
"We've got things a bit mixed up," said another source. "Nowadays a multi-millionaire can sabotage the business of a struggling family of 7 — and the little guy gets blamed for letting the big shot do it to him, with little recourse.
"Everyone admires Dallas' 'J.R. Ewing,' who set the standard for underhandedness," the source said. "But if we individually were ever victimized by such a crook, we'd undoubtedly have a wholly different point of view. It's a flaw in our culture — we secretly admire Satan."
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Cash-starved Americans Using Witch Doctors for Help
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BOYNTON BEACH, FL — Down and out Americans seeking alternative, cost-effective cures are dumping conventional medicine and turning to witch doctors for relief!
"As more and more folks shed their personal health insurance through job loss, soaring costs and inadequate coverages, they're flocking to alternative remedies at epidemic proportions," says an expert.
"Shockingly, witch doctors are topping the list," she said. "As other cultures take root in the U.S., so do various aspects of those cultures, many of which originate from impovershed regions around the world. It's surprising to see this here in the 21st Century."
One unidentified witch doctor patient was more succinct. "Why pay a physician thousands of dollars to cure a cyst when you can hire a witch doctor for half a chicken?
"These guys put on a great show. Stop and think — here's this half-naked, chanting guy in a scary mask, shaking a rattle and smelling like incense — who WOULDN'T get a kick out of it?" she asked. "Throw in a bratwurst and they'll even put curses on your enemies!"
Though we know of no case where a witch doctor actually cured any illness, some people swear by them. "Ever since I started using a witch doctor I've never felt better," said one woman, who declined to be identified. "He's great at chasing away evil spirits too — even my ex quit hitting me up for loans. I haven't seen hide nor hair of him since."
Not everyone agrees. "When my witch doctor prescribed that I eat my mother-in-law, I opted out for a second opinion," said one former patient who was seeking relief for hemhorroids.
Sources admit they fear the day when witch doctors set up "medical associations" and demand to be considered as legitimate health care providers eligible for perks like Medicare reimbursement.
"Some of this witch doctor stuff is tied in with various religions, so they may actually come to be viewed as medicinally -- and legally -- legit," said an expert. "People may see this as 'ludicrous,' but hey -- when folks lose their jobs, they're slammed with hugely expensive Cobra insurance, with no job income to cover it. Once Cobra runs out -- and if you have pre-existing medical conditions -- you're screwed. Now THAT'S 'ludicrous!'"
We're not going to judge the merits of going to witch doctors, but IUDEXonline advises that when choosing a healthcare provider, avoid saying the words "which doctor" out loud.You may find yourself in hot water.
More Headlines:
Is U.S. Military Running A Time Machine?
Face Of God Over Florida?
Michael Meets Elvis in Heaven!
Beer Can Found On Moon!
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This witch doctor's visage not only gives its wearer a "branded" identity, it supposedly repells evil spirits, both offline and online. |
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Three Try to Kill Themselves — Via Toilet!
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In three unrelated incidents, distraught Americans — an unemployed laborer, a distressed CEO and a midget facing foreclosure — attempted suicide by flushing themselves down their toilets. "This scheme obviously couldn't work, I think he (the laborer) was trying to send a message," said a cop in his report. All three victims have recovered. |
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Stories published for entertainment purposes only • ©2009 IUDEXONLINE |
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